My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
