I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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