Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
