i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
