so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
