What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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