Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
