Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
