Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i will never coherently bang her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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