My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
