I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
