The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
