question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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