Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
