ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
