Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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