So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
smell my finger.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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