I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
