Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
