if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
