I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was CRYING into my vagina
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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