you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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