it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
