Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
