the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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