I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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