people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
