where are you?
Hypothermia
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
