how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
