I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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