You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
