i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
