and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
