What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
