mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
