those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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