It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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