guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
