dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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