I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
did you just send me my own nude
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
