My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
