How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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