I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
