you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
