the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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