I think scott just propositioned me for sex
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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