Don't you send me to vm
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
