Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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