I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize