my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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