Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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