I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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