That's intense
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
