there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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