Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
